Rememering why we're here...

Trudging heavy limbs through a week of mental and physical uncertainty, naysayers doubting your every move and having it all topped off with profane repeated doses IV Steroids can make you crazy. You turn cynical when people around you give reminders that you're not invincible as you'd always imagined. You're not even close... Instead, people offer gestures that hint more towards you being overly-delicate. Just one false move and you could shatter the very fragile balance that holds your entire existence together. And to be completely fair, the supporters and caretakers are quite right in many ways, but that's just not what a sick person wants to hear.

Personally, I find it helpful to find reminders of why life here is so amazingly great. I'll surround myself with people who aren't just with me, but are for me. I take effort to distance myself from people who tell me how many things I can't do or never will do, or never should even attempt to do because of my "condition". Sure, there are lots of people who disagree with my dreams (even now) and are disappointed at what I perceive my life's purpose to be.

I was fortunate enough to filter out the negative noise. And somehow Saturday night, I found myself surrounded by people who genuinely believed I could leave a hospital after a three day infusion stint, fight off insomnia long enough to make a faerie costume from the contents from a craft drawer and a fancy nightgown. My hands were completely numb as I put on my makeup (heck, they're still numb right now) and I somehow managed to get ready, get out the door and be around people who lifted my spirits for an entire magical evening.

How amazing is it that the simplest things like Ula's neighbor playing the violin in his bare feet in the grass can diffuse a room? Or sitting on the floor telling jokes until everyone has a bellyache. Or doing an impromptu performance with your two best actress friends because it's just fun to do? I'd all but forgotten that I was one of only two people who'd dressed for Ula's Midsummer Night's Dream Party, or that I hot glued butterflies to my skin for effect. Or that I donned an 80's headband with an insect attached to it. I suppose I was too consumed drinking in the simplicities that often make life so worthwhile. Building friendships, loving your family and not taking yourself or everyone else so seriously and laughing out loud, especially when everybody's listening.

Praise God for letting me out of my hardened shell this weekend. If you aren't actively seeking the bright side of life every chance you get, then what else is there?