The Feminist inside of me is dying...

A thought poisonously traversed my brain today, a thought that I know I shouldn't have. Infact, it's still haunting me. Despite the overclocked mental processing, it has occurred to me that I've worked too hard to be reduced to the crack pot thoughts that brewed inside of my reasoning process. That many great women before me have paved the way for me to be where I am. They fought long and hard for the rights of women everywhere. For equality for women in the work place and for opportunities for women to grow and become independent from our suckass male counterparts. They have suffered and endured and never gave up. They never quit. They burned their freaking bras! I feel so ashamed.

It pains me in a startling way to confess today's low point. Though in some ways, I could easily submit myself to these tainted ideas, knowing full well that they're all wrong.

It happened this morning as I was stressing out over work and life and kids when it dawned on me that I could enjoy being a trophy wife. That maybe being eye candy might be a good thing. I could stay at home and life would be far less complex. I could think a lot less and life would ease up. People wouldn't expect very much from me. Or have high opinions of me that I'd have to live up to. I could just look cute and smile and nod, be seen but never heard. On the surface it doesn't sound like such a bad gig. I know people who have this type of arrangement and spend most of their days at the mall while their kids are at day care. They won't see a gray hair until they're 70.

Then reality hits me and I think of my mother. The one person who has pushed me to be independent my entire life. The person who believes I could do anything I want, even be president and be a great proficient. Because of her life's examples, she has helped me realize that every woman has the potential to achieve equal or greater success to her male counterparts and should strive to do so instead of being submissive to their insignificant requests.

She knows what a gigantic sell out my kind of response suggests, I may as well slap her in the face with a tampon. Eye candy gigs are for 21 year old rookies who don't know any better. Though I think it's important to look great and I enjoy makeup and all things girly, it's equally important to strive to be independent, fight for the things that are important to you and to stand by your own opinions. Be who you are. Work hard for what you've got and where you are. What the hell am I thinking???

Hillary Clinton and my mom could team up for the monstrous ass kicking that I seem to need.

***I feel the need to clarify this post. I am not speaking to stay at home moms who work very hard to teach their kids life's lessons, family values, keep up the family's retreat, etc. That is an entirely different type of person, one who I believe is completely admirable and who's contribution to their children/family/home is supremely immeasurable. My post refers to being a complete slacker while everyone else works. Gaaaaa that is so sad.